Exhibit A: Toolshed who will probably go home with a girl that looks like a little leaguer in a dress. Partly because well, coke will do that to girls, and two, it might actually be a little leaguer because sir, YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT PEDOPHILE.
In hoodie "exhibit a" is wearing you will find, candy possibly roofies & the newest issue of J-14....all potential "fish hooks" for the date he seeks.
What really puts my panties in a wad about this particular thing is, more than likely, those are not prescripts. I am not hating on the awful choice of glasses itself.... most men in the military that are cursed with wearing these do to their poor vision loath it, but for some reason it is acceptable in "indie" culture to adorn these willingly. But it is also acceptable to look like a lost hobo, male or female...so someones brain skipped out for an eternity on them. Beyond the sea of flannel, poor goodwill finds mistaken for vintage, tattered hosiery..you will find these, "buddy holly" glasses...and sometimes..(gasp!) with no lenses in them atoll!
Now correct me if I am wrong...
IS THIS NOT LIKE WEARING BRACES BY CHOICE?!
You have flawless eye sight, but are CHOOSING to look as if you don't?
Someone clue me in here.
Wait, are you just that tragic and unfortunate looking that hiding behind such large face blockers might land you a date to that sweet "80's" house party?
Just lie, say your vegan, you voted obama & you own an extensive vinyl collection and/or a fixed gear.
Guys, the same, only compliment the 4 day old braid in her hair, and her "natural" beauty, also, keep forcing the PBR, a good man gets the girl he's about to take advantage of loaded prior, and for free.
"Aunt Mildred, is that you?!"
Also, another conclusion I have come to,
perhaps these are a "slut shield" or like a cloaking device for sluts. Now, I don't know the girl pictured below, but I do know that if she wasn't "holier than thou" those glasses would sure make it look like she hasn't been laid since Woody Allen was into chicks his own age...So my theory, sluts can use these glasses as sort of a "venus fly trap" for unsuspecting dudes looking for a good time with a not so "passed" around girl. I certainly wouldn't suspect the grand canyon to be lying between this broads legs, would you?
At least the reason you're able to wear your gf's jeans will look 3x's larger with the aid of those puppies. Or not, wait, BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PRESCRIBED!
Exceptions: Jay-Z one, because its "HOVA" two, well, he thinks it downplays the size of his nose...(it doesn't)
UNACCEPTABLE:
Jaleel White, also known as Urkel, Also stopped looking like a jackass when he morphed and got rid of said glasses. This is the filter that goes through my head everytime you wear oversized, hideous glasses.
In the off chance that you ARE just too sad to repair, I hope they eat your face and brain included, if it can be found.
point being, don't wish for handicaps. You might think you're making poor eyesight trendy and acceptable for those who suffer, but infact, you're just pissing them off.
-This post is dedicated to Diandra.
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