i hate girls who are so fucking impressed with themselves
i literally just read some girl who wrote in her about me
"chances are you loved me and i pretended to care"
youre not that great bitch
all you stuck up girls need to pull your heads out of your fucking asses and realize that girls like you are only attractive to guys until you open your mouth
quit thinking youre hot shit
chances are youre sitting around wondering why you have no one and why no guys like you and its cause your ego takes up enough room for 2
i guarantee you if youd take a pin and pop the overinflated balloon that is your ego and come back down to earth youd get a dude in a heartbeat.
but youre too busy worshipping yourself in the mirror and on your myspace to fucking realize this. you spent more time on your about me then graduates do on their fucking thesis. the most you can ever aspire to be is a trophy wife. and not even a gold medal one. youre gonna grow up to be some guys bronze medal.
Dearest Ryan-
Problem one, you're on myspace. That in itself is a failure. Don't you know that being impressive on the internet is the key to success? I bet if I went to Barnes and Noble I could find a book on how to get your best angle, bet money someone has written a book on it. How else do you think whoppers land dudes to text/send tit shots to? Gotta get through your lonely night surrounded by Good Charlotte posters and your shrine to socialites that you wish you were. THIS JUST IN, you are not Paris Hilton, You are not a jet setter...stop posing for pictures at parties, just because someone puts a sweet fish-eye setting on, doesn't mean what you're doing, your night..is AT all important. Perez Hilton isn't cataloging your mistakes and blackout nights.
When you wake up without an education and your life is reduced to waitressing some low lit dive bar,and the years of smoking outside of venues (you're entirely too cool to go in) have caught up with you..and no one would tip you if it was to get you away from them. Don't go crawling back to the people you've left in a path of destruction to the top of myspace. Your new boyfriend of the week will no longer be touring, unless it's your couch because he has no skills left and is no longer attractive to 14 year old girls, just pray he can drop a basket of fries...because I am also sure the "pull-out" method finally caught up with you, and diapers are not cheap.
get frosty bitches,
erin
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
excuse me ma'am i believe you dropped this
And by this I mean this name. And your panties. Have you gotten the gist of this post yet? It's about band whores all over the world. Just because you let a dude from a band put it in you it doesn't make you famous by association. It makes you a, what's the scientific term?Oh yes. Slut. The most fame you're gonna get out of sucking off multiple band members is a song written about you called swamp donkey. By the way not something you really want. I am however considering starting to play a bass again because apparently playing an instrument emits pheromones that make you think that having me splooge on your face is an honor. A bragging right even. What makes you think people care about who you know in a biblical sense from a band. What do you expect to ever come from that? Have you just melted your mind in the tanning bed? Do you not realize that there's a bajillion other girls just as eager to gobble up some band dick in every state? Id be willing to bet you money that after you hook up with a dude in a band and you see him again and say hi he will not recognize you or know your name. You're forever just gonna be the girl who let him pee on you in the tub. Hopefully you remembered to take off your sweet american apparel "retro" headband before the aforementioned golden shower though. I could continue you to make fun of you for days but you kind of manage to make fun of yourself for me by existing
-stay cold
Ah, alas, we've covered, sluts, and well...there is just an endless spectrum of types of sluts...so it's the never ending story, though, I wish I were talking about that fuckin' dope movie from the 80s..but I am not. The band slut, however..is an epic creature...and EPIC CREATURE OF FAILURE. Look trick, when a dude sticks his hang down in you, it does NOT mean you dated....please, own up to it. Date seems to be a frosting way of saying "we fucked." and well, here is the lose/lose of masking your whoreish ways...eventually you will have "dated" so many guys that you will turn into a whore regardless, because even dating a ton of dudes is disgusting....and not a proud bragging right when you're trying to rope another in to your fly trap. It just shows how much of a failure you are. Cut the bullshit, you're a knob slobber, proverbial waste basket, etc. Let me reinstate, FUCK DOES NOT MEAN DATE.
Another thing, when you defend your "non whore" title so hard, it probably means you are. No one has to tell people they are not, or reassure them. "I totally just know a lot of band dudes, like *name drop, name drop, name drop* but they're all friends, I'm just one of the guys." SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Broad, one of the guys doesn't take it in every hole.
example one...
first clue you're a slut..
your "my photos" album on myspace is chalked full of shit like this...backyard self shot photoshoots. Shit like this makes me happy and sad I don't have a myspace...happy because fuck, look at you. Sad because well I like to stumble on shit like this and laugh, luckily, you're page is public and well, I am sure that is to attract sw33t dudez! GIRLS HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY THAT STANDING IN LINE AT AN AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL CASTING DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MODEL NOR DOES OWNING A CAMERA OR THRIFT SHOPPING!! Are you making 10g's off these shots? No. You are sweating in the sun, looking like a bad Marciano/Lady GaGa one night stand, and you're the retarded off-spring. This girl, mind you, has a claim to fame...she "dated" Craig Owens of Chiodos.. CONGRATS...you have now slept with 48 out of the 50 states..AT LEAST..
and your vagina is probably the ambassador to various foreign countries..and STD's.
probably you shouldn't text dudes "I cant wait to have you in me" because odds are that's either all they want, or not even close...because who would want to throw their penis into the cave of wonders?
Whew, I apparently have a lot to say pertaining to this topic..
Brings me to the girls that play the prude card, but the line up shows royal flush.
I mean, lets say I know of this girl "Christy" and well, that could be her name, could not, I will not confirm or deny. This "Christy" girl is what I like to refer to as a "tease" and we all know dudes hate that, she likes to have her cake and eat it too. Denies to hell and back of being a "band girl" but, sweetie, your track record proves otherwise, and when the only thing in the summer your stoked about is WARPED TOUR...well, you're probably a whore. Not to mention....you don't really get scabies being a good honest girl. "I'm not a band whore, but I only date dudes in bands." YOU KNOOOOWW....Other dudes DO exist, you know, the ones with heath insurance, 401k's, JOB's.
Now, I spit a lot of hate on band dudes, but let me state, some of my best friends play for nothing, tour for nothing and are some amazing dudes...but from those dudes I've also heard some amazing stories about girls like you...and let me tell you, I always have the last laugh. Girls, anyone can get tattoos, eventually they will be dropped by whatever 3rd rate label they are on, or make a 14yr old mistake or two.
A guitar, mic, etc. DOES NOT send out sonar to drop your panties. There are websites girls like you end up on...ANONIB.com? anyone? You are every dudes cruel joke. You are a penis parking garage and a free shower every couple months. Name dropping only means shit to the other girls that you hang out with that probably fucked said dude before you did, or someone in direct relation to him, like another member. Thumbs up for nothing but a smelly, taco bell fueled dude that lives on a bench in a van. Thumbs up for being the girl with a state and or city attached at the end of her name...because you know what, THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THEY WILL CALL AND OR TALK TO YOU...when they are in town and need to dump a couple loads on you.
Thumbs up to not having any real ambition, No one will ever care about whos phone number you have, who's myspace you've found, who messaged you, whos guestlist you're on. I will and do run laps around you..end of story.
oh, and wrap it up. (dudes)
-get frosty
Interesting side note from your boy ryan. Take some time and think here band whore. Lets say that you finally bag yourself a band guy. A few points here. First point is I can pretty much guarantee that up until the time you guys became official he was still hollering at other girls. Second point you give it to your dude on the regular and he then has to go on tour for 3 months you've already flipped the on switch and guess what. there isn't an off one. He's gonna find a girl to be the cup of coffee to his coffee stirrer. The third and final point kinda comes with a story. Lets just say I've heard stories from a reliable source of a dude in a band that may or may not rhyme with hair-or-more. Boy is dating girl a. Boy goes on tour and meets up with girl b he's been secretly talking to. Girl b convinces boy to cheat on girl a with her. Boy winds up dating girl b. If boy has already cheated on a girl for you what makes you think he wont cheat on you for another girl dumbass. I can guarantee you your roast beef sammich is not a high enough usda grade to keep him from ordering different items off the menu
-stay cold
Ah, alas, we've covered, sluts, and well...there is just an endless spectrum of types of sluts...so it's the never ending story, though, I wish I were talking about that fuckin' dope movie from the 80s..but I am not. The band slut, however..is an epic creature...and EPIC CREATURE OF FAILURE. Look trick, when a dude sticks his hang down in you, it does NOT mean you dated....please, own up to it. Date seems to be a frosting way of saying "we fucked." and well, here is the lose/lose of masking your whoreish ways...eventually you will have "dated" so many guys that you will turn into a whore regardless, because even dating a ton of dudes is disgusting....and not a proud bragging right when you're trying to rope another in to your fly trap. It just shows how much of a failure you are. Cut the bullshit, you're a knob slobber, proverbial waste basket, etc. Let me reinstate, FUCK DOES NOT MEAN DATE.
Another thing, when you defend your "non whore" title so hard, it probably means you are. No one has to tell people they are not, or reassure them. "I totally just know a lot of band dudes, like *name drop, name drop, name drop* but they're all friends, I'm just one of the guys." SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Broad, one of the guys doesn't take it in every hole.
example one...
first clue you're a slut..
your "my photos" album on myspace is chalked full of shit like this...backyard self shot photoshoots. Shit like this makes me happy and sad I don't have a myspace...happy because fuck, look at you. Sad because well I like to stumble on shit like this and laugh, luckily, you're page is public and well, I am sure that is to attract sw33t dudez! GIRLS HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY THAT STANDING IN LINE AT AN AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL CASTING DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MODEL NOR DOES OWNING A CAMERA OR THRIFT SHOPPING!! Are you making 10g's off these shots? No. You are sweating in the sun, looking like a bad Marciano/Lady GaGa one night stand, and you're the retarded off-spring. This girl, mind you, has a claim to fame...she "dated" Craig Owens of Chiodos.. CONGRATS...you have now slept with 48 out of the 50 states..AT LEAST..
and your vagina is probably the ambassador to various foreign countries..and STD's.
probably you shouldn't text dudes "I cant wait to have you in me" because odds are that's either all they want, or not even close...because who would want to throw their penis into the cave of wonders?
Whew, I apparently have a lot to say pertaining to this topic..
Brings me to the girls that play the prude card, but the line up shows royal flush.
I mean, lets say I know of this girl "Christy" and well, that could be her name, could not, I will not confirm or deny. This "Christy" girl is what I like to refer to as a "tease" and we all know dudes hate that, she likes to have her cake and eat it too. Denies to hell and back of being a "band girl" but, sweetie, your track record proves otherwise, and when the only thing in the summer your stoked about is WARPED TOUR...well, you're probably a whore. Not to mention....you don't really get scabies being a good honest girl. "I'm not a band whore, but I only date dudes in bands." YOU KNOOOOWW....Other dudes DO exist, you know, the ones with heath insurance, 401k's, JOB's.
Now, I spit a lot of hate on band dudes, but let me state, some of my best friends play for nothing, tour for nothing and are some amazing dudes...but from those dudes I've also heard some amazing stories about girls like you...and let me tell you, I always have the last laugh. Girls, anyone can get tattoos, eventually they will be dropped by whatever 3rd rate label they are on, or make a 14yr old mistake or two.
A guitar, mic, etc. DOES NOT send out sonar to drop your panties. There are websites girls like you end up on...ANONIB.com? anyone? You are every dudes cruel joke. You are a penis parking garage and a free shower every couple months. Name dropping only means shit to the other girls that you hang out with that probably fucked said dude before you did, or someone in direct relation to him, like another member. Thumbs up for nothing but a smelly, taco bell fueled dude that lives on a bench in a van. Thumbs up for being the girl with a state and or city attached at the end of her name...because you know what, THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THEY WILL CALL AND OR TALK TO YOU...when they are in town and need to dump a couple loads on you.
Thumbs up to not having any real ambition, No one will ever care about whos phone number you have, who's myspace you've found, who messaged you, whos guestlist you're on. I will and do run laps around you..end of story.
oh, and wrap it up. (dudes)
-get frosty
Interesting side note from your boy ryan. Take some time and think here band whore. Lets say that you finally bag yourself a band guy. A few points here. First point is I can pretty much guarantee that up until the time you guys became official he was still hollering at other girls. Second point you give it to your dude on the regular and he then has to go on tour for 3 months you've already flipped the on switch and guess what. there isn't an off one. He's gonna find a girl to be the cup of coffee to his coffee stirrer. The third and final point kinda comes with a story. Lets just say I've heard stories from a reliable source of a dude in a band that may or may not rhyme with hair-or-more. Boy is dating girl a. Boy goes on tour and meets up with girl b he's been secretly talking to. Girl b convinces boy to cheat on girl a with her. Boy winds up dating girl b. If boy has already cheated on a girl for you what makes you think he wont cheat on you for another girl dumbass. I can guarantee you your roast beef sammich is not a high enough usda grade to keep him from ordering different items off the menu
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
ATTN: JUST IN!!!
Some nice info poured in shortly after that last post, so in response to that, please read this.
YOU VS ERIN MATHEMATICS:
Benefit of Erin= Not having to swallow a lot of children to make friends outside my area code.
Negatives of you= Probably moving to another city because shit like this happens to you.
Also, many good things will come from me, (this being one of them, bc LAWLZ)
but it seems the only thing that comes out of you is on the back of a tour bus. Rather a van, because I don't think anyone on a bus is desperate enough to tag that with a bag in the dark. I think if I were a dude, I would have to mace my own dick before I stuck you, anywhere....just to remind myself of the failure of a decision that was about to be made.
Man, What a lot of M.A.C. Cosmetics can do for a person..
there's a reason they sponsored "RuPauls Drag Race"
because even a man can look like a woman with about a dump truck full of concealer.
I can haz photoshopz?
credible source (10:19:15 PM): I KNOW THAT GIRL
credible source (10:19:24 PM): SHES FROM PITTSBURGH
erin(10:20:33 PM): HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
credible source (10:20:38 PM): OH MAN
credible source (10:20:44 PM): OHHHHH MAN
credible source (10:20:50 PM): HAVE I GOT A GREAT STORY ABOUT IT FOR YOU
erin(10:20:59 PM): OMG I LOVE YOU
credible source (10:21:10 PM): okay this kid wes that we know...
credible source (10:21:19 PM): she hounded him for a long time to go out with her
credible source (10:21:28 PM): and finally one day he was like..whatever, screw it
credible source (10:21:34 PM): so he met her blocks away from his house
credible source (10:21:44 PM): and she picked him up and they drove to caribou coffee
credible source (10:21:credible source53 PM): and he said she was completely hideous
credible source (10:22:11 PM): like...tons of piercings, and not like her myspace
credible source (10:22:21 PM): and she wore these terrible clacky boots
credible source (10:22:30 PM): anyway, he was completely embarrassed to be there
credible source (10:22:40 PM): so they walk in, he gets his coffee and goes to the bathroom
credible source (10:23:00 PM): once inside he makes the decision that if she's looking when he walks out he'll stay, but if not, he's gonna run out the side door
credible source (10:23:20 PM): she isn't looking, and he runs 12 blocks home!!!
credible source (10:23:36 PM): and she was SO pissed, ohhh she called him and left him threatening messages and emails.
Also,
I call em well, hello kitty tat and skull & rose chest piece.
fucks with me.
May I ryan just add the following for the publics consideration
YOU VS ERIN MATHEMATICS:
Benefit of Erin= Not having to swallow a lot of children to make friends outside my area code.
Negatives of you= Probably moving to another city because shit like this happens to you.
Also, many good things will come from me, (this being one of them, bc LAWLZ)
but it seems the only thing that comes out of you is on the back of a tour bus. Rather a van, because I don't think anyone on a bus is desperate enough to tag that with a bag in the dark. I think if I were a dude, I would have to mace my own dick before I stuck you, anywhere....just to remind myself of the failure of a decision that was about to be made.
Man, What a lot of M.A.C. Cosmetics can do for a person..
there's a reason they sponsored "RuPauls Drag Race"
because even a man can look like a woman with about a dump truck full of concealer.
I can haz photoshopz?
credible source (10:19:15 PM): I KNOW THAT GIRL
credible source (10:19:24 PM): SHES FROM PITTSBURGH
erin(10:20:33 PM): HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
credible source (10:20:38 PM): OH MAN
credible source (10:20:44 PM): OHHHHH MAN
credible source (10:20:50 PM): HAVE I GOT A GREAT STORY ABOUT IT FOR YOU
erin(10:20:59 PM): OMG I LOVE YOU
credible source (10:21:10 PM): okay this kid wes that we know...
credible source (10:21:19 PM): she hounded him for a long time to go out with her
credible source (10:21:28 PM): and finally one day he was like..whatever, screw it
credible source (10:21:34 PM): so he met her blocks away from his house
credible source (10:21:44 PM): and she picked him up and they drove to caribou coffee
credible source (10:21:credible source53 PM): and he said she was completely hideous
credible source (10:22:11 PM): like...tons of piercings, and not like her myspace
credible source (10:22:21 PM): and she wore these terrible clacky boots
credible source (10:22:30 PM): anyway, he was completely embarrassed to be there
credible source (10:22:40 PM): so they walk in, he gets his coffee and goes to the bathroom
credible source (10:23:00 PM): once inside he makes the decision that if she's looking when he walks out he'll stay, but if not, he's gonna run out the side door
credible source (10:23:20 PM): she isn't looking, and he runs 12 blocks home!!!
credible source (10:23:36 PM): and she was SO pissed, ohhh she called him and left him threatening messages and emails.
Also,
I call em well, hello kitty tat and skull & rose chest piece.
fucks with me.
May I ryan just add the following for the publics consideration
Girls that are nude on the webz, you speak negative hate
OH HERROW!
It's been a minute, had a few set backs personally last week, but I'm comin' back up swingin' and what better way to do so then to have some gaping ham wallet spittin' fire at my entourage? One, being of extreme importance, my partner in crime a one "Ryan" and two, a girl, and great friend, one "Marelle" to which I once spent a whole drunken night dragging her fiancee around a party telling any dude that would listen "HIS FUTURE WIFE IS SMOKIN' HOT". & I don't lie. Let's not forget that I got into a wreck, that totaled the car I was in & Kendra and I STILL made it to their wedding. You understanding the rating of these two on the richter scale of importance in my life? It's devastatingly high. *cracks knuckles*
Now let me spit the holy gospel of nude broads...
when I say you speak negative hate, I mean, you open your mouth and all I can think of is..."you're naked on the interweb, and it cost me about a buck fifty to see that." I can't focus on the unimportant and non intelligent things that are coming out of your mouth (much like most things do from your mouth, come and go) why? BECAUSE YOU ARE VOLUNTARILY NEKKID ON THE INTERNET!! I don't have bad taste, in anything, includes woman, I love me some dudes, but NO HOMO I can tell you when a broad looks right, shit isn't you...and well, there is only one other person in the lifetime, or any, that is never wrong, and that's god. NOT GODSGIRLZZ.
Suicide Girl? I'd want to commit some mad damage to my life if I had 45 yr old dudes with "americuh, dale yea! bud heavy" banners tattooed on their half tanned bicep from the long nights on the road pedaling my produce to the next town, blowing loads over my sweet "XVEGANX" "XTUFFX" "HERROW KITTY" covered tits or whatever meaningless shit is sprawled on your body. I know, it's just your grand effort for your Arby's 5 for 5 to get some kind of scene cred quick...... Question. Exactly how long do we have to wait for that title to become true? The suicide half of it that is, we know the girl thing is long gone.
http://www.myspace.com/missikay2
now, my friends, view with me the hypocrisy that is this "thing".
Well, lets see, a fashion design student? Where? deja vu? Don't you tend to want to put clothes on to show off that talent?
"I love being naked" well thanks captain obvious, I gathered that. Although, knowing dudes in tighter pants than you can fit, are walking around with huge bulges for you kinda defeats the whole "not a slut" thing. BUT WAIT, it gets better...you dig chicks!!! And Samantha Ronson at that, and would you look at that, you like Tegan and Sara. WELL FUCKING PAINT ME STUPID IF THAT ISN'T THE MOST TYPICAL BULLSHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! I bet you leak to the thought of a 3-some involving you huffing lines off lezlos fun bags while mansam sits in the corner spinnin the track to your dreams. I love a lesbian just as much as the next person who tells black jokes that isn't racist, but fuck me running if you arent a poster child for trend.
"spends hours at goodwill" well, yea, YOU ATTEND THE FUCKING ART INSTITUTE...any retard with 20 g's to drop on a bad decision would spend hours at good will collecting designs to eclectically put together to pass off as their own.
Here is a secret, prepare yourself for your middle management position at the closest department store and start learning how to stock shelves, dumb ass. Does the fact that The Art Institutes are a CHAIN of colleges set off the idiot radar at all?
which brings me back to you BEING NAKED ON THE INTERNET, so apparently not.
I see you like to collect things from the 18th century...
Why don't you do us all a massive favor and try to go collect some small pox.
There is a reason you live in Seattle, doesn't it rain there a lot?
I might find you attractive as well if it were pouring rain and I couldn't see in front of me.
Don't wear the print if you can't be as big as the animal trick...
Wrapping yourself in white sheets does about as much good as the devil in a easter dress...doesn't bring the V back...
In closing, Before you go on talking about someone "not looking female" or people "being ugly"..
let me tell you this, broad...I don't know if someone beat you so hard with a peroxide bottle when that sw33t dye job was done on your dome that it knocked you into a one-way vacation to stupidville....
NEWSFLASH!!!!!
YOU ARE NAKED ON THE INTERNETZ!
good day.
-a much bigger bitch that you.
Also may I add that if you're gonna get naked on the internet for money you should at least not send out nudes for free. I mean not only are you a whore you are a terrible business person as well. Oh well. Be thankful. We'll be able to do what your gross saggy titties werent able to do and make you famous on the internet. all ur lyf3 r b3long 2 3r1n
-stay cold
It's been a minute, had a few set backs personally last week, but I'm comin' back up swingin' and what better way to do so then to have some gaping ham wallet spittin' fire at my entourage? One, being of extreme importance, my partner in crime a one "Ryan" and two, a girl, and great friend, one "Marelle" to which I once spent a whole drunken night dragging her fiancee around a party telling any dude that would listen "HIS FUTURE WIFE IS SMOKIN' HOT". & I don't lie. Let's not forget that I got into a wreck, that totaled the car I was in & Kendra and I STILL made it to their wedding. You understanding the rating of these two on the richter scale of importance in my life? It's devastatingly high. *cracks knuckles*
Now let me spit the holy gospel of nude broads...
when I say you speak negative hate, I mean, you open your mouth and all I can think of is..."you're naked on the interweb, and it cost me about a buck fifty to see that." I can't focus on the unimportant and non intelligent things that are coming out of your mouth (much like most things do from your mouth, come and go) why? BECAUSE YOU ARE VOLUNTARILY NEKKID ON THE INTERNET!! I don't have bad taste, in anything, includes woman, I love me some dudes, but NO HOMO I can tell you when a broad looks right, shit isn't you...and well, there is only one other person in the lifetime, or any, that is never wrong, and that's god. NOT GODSGIRLZZ.
Suicide Girl? I'd want to commit some mad damage to my life if I had 45 yr old dudes with "americuh, dale yea! bud heavy" banners tattooed on their half tanned bicep from the long nights on the road pedaling my produce to the next town, blowing loads over my sweet "XVEGANX" "XTUFFX" "HERROW KITTY" covered tits or whatever meaningless shit is sprawled on your body. I know, it's just your grand effort for your Arby's 5 for 5 to get some kind of scene cred quick...... Question. Exactly how long do we have to wait for that title to become true? The suicide half of it that is, we know the girl thing is long gone.
http://www.myspace.com/missikay2
now, my friends, view with me the hypocrisy that is this "thing".
Well, lets see, a fashion design student? Where? deja vu? Don't you tend to want to put clothes on to show off that talent?
"I love being naked" well thanks captain obvious, I gathered that. Although, knowing dudes in tighter pants than you can fit, are walking around with huge bulges for you kinda defeats the whole "not a slut" thing. BUT WAIT, it gets better...you dig chicks!!! And Samantha Ronson at that, and would you look at that, you like Tegan and Sara. WELL FUCKING PAINT ME STUPID IF THAT ISN'T THE MOST TYPICAL BULLSHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! I bet you leak to the thought of a 3-some involving you huffing lines off lezlos fun bags while mansam sits in the corner spinnin the track to your dreams. I love a lesbian just as much as the next person who tells black jokes that isn't racist, but fuck me running if you arent a poster child for trend.
"spends hours at goodwill" well, yea, YOU ATTEND THE FUCKING ART INSTITUTE...any retard with 20 g's to drop on a bad decision would spend hours at good will collecting designs to eclectically put together to pass off as their own.
Here is a secret, prepare yourself for your middle management position at the closest department store and start learning how to stock shelves, dumb ass. Does the fact that The Art Institutes are a CHAIN of colleges set off the idiot radar at all?
which brings me back to you BEING NAKED ON THE INTERNET, so apparently not.
I see you like to collect things from the 18th century...
Why don't you do us all a massive favor and try to go collect some small pox.
There is a reason you live in Seattle, doesn't it rain there a lot?
I might find you attractive as well if it were pouring rain and I couldn't see in front of me.
Don't wear the print if you can't be as big as the animal trick...
Wrapping yourself in white sheets does about as much good as the devil in a easter dress...doesn't bring the V back...
In closing, Before you go on talking about someone "not looking female" or people "being ugly"..
let me tell you this, broad...I don't know if someone beat you so hard with a peroxide bottle when that sw33t dye job was done on your dome that it knocked you into a one-way vacation to stupidville....
NEWSFLASH!!!!!
YOU ARE NAKED ON THE INTERNETZ!
good day.
-a much bigger bitch that you.
Also may I add that if you're gonna get naked on the internet for money you should at least not send out nudes for free. I mean not only are you a whore you are a terrible business person as well. Oh well. Be thankful. We'll be able to do what your gross saggy titties werent able to do and make you famous on the internet. all ur lyf3 r b3long 2 3r1n
-stay cold
Friday, May 8, 2009
ALL UR VOICE R BELONG TO ROBOTS
Erin I completely sympathize with the below blog. I think I may have come up with the reason for wayne's and other "rap artists" sudden change to tight pants, glasses, scarves, etc. I believe they had a statewide rap meeting because they were tired of privileged white kids from the suburbs using mommy's and daddy's money to buy fubu and essentially stealing their culture.
3 shootings, 1,974 blunts and countless ho's later, they decided on the following course of action:
The white kids have been stealing our culture so lets steal theirs back. That brings me to my subject of the day.
Auto-tune.
Ever since the 80's auto-tune and vocoders have been an important part of the "crackers" musical stylings. As of late the indie kids have made this a very important part of their scene. I'm not gonna lie I'm pretty guilty of being a sucker for it occasionally. But it's like once the rap world found out about this everybody's been using it. You would think that the Senate passed a law that 3/4ths of rap must contain auto-tune with the amount of it you hear. I'm sure by now everybody has heard Jamie Foxx's "Alcohol." After multiple times of hearing it I can't tell where Jamie's part ends and T-Pain comes in. However I'm going to give a pardon to T-Pain because his the moon-inites hang from his chain and he did "On A Boat", He gets some leeway. Jamie Foxx does not. Did you not see yourself in Ray? You can sing dude!!!! Do you not even know the purpose of auto-tune? It's in the fucking name. It automatically tunes. It's for those who cant sing aka why a lot of indie kids use it.Thats why you shouldn't be using auto-tune weezy. You're a rapper not a singer. All I know is I'm tired of flipping through radio stations and hearing robot after robot. Terminators should terminate not sing.
NO!
YES!
Ryan:
I bow to this. May I add that had I known in the late 80's when I was learnin' my pimp walk, and getting my education through various Matel toys...I would have capitalized on this. Had my little noodle been developed enough into the GENIUS that is "T-Pain" who has made his fortune from sounding like a Speak-n-Spell...I would have rained down on the rap industry in my osh kosh by gosh over-alls and would probably still be a force to be reckoned with. Alas, I was to busy learning that dogs say "woof" and cats say "meow"..and how to properly spell them. If only, if only.
your partner in crime,
erin
3 shootings, 1,974 blunts and countless ho's later, they decided on the following course of action:
The white kids have been stealing our culture so lets steal theirs back. That brings me to my subject of the day.
Auto-tune.
Ever since the 80's auto-tune and vocoders have been an important part of the "crackers" musical stylings. As of late the indie kids have made this a very important part of their scene. I'm not gonna lie I'm pretty guilty of being a sucker for it occasionally. But it's like once the rap world found out about this everybody's been using it. You would think that the Senate passed a law that 3/4ths of rap must contain auto-tune with the amount of it you hear. I'm sure by now everybody has heard Jamie Foxx's "Alcohol." After multiple times of hearing it I can't tell where Jamie's part ends and T-Pain comes in. However I'm going to give a pardon to T-Pain because his the moon-inites hang from his chain and he did "On A Boat", He gets some leeway. Jamie Foxx does not. Did you not see yourself in Ray? You can sing dude!!!! Do you not even know the purpose of auto-tune? It's in the fucking name. It automatically tunes. It's for those who cant sing aka why a lot of indie kids use it.Thats why you shouldn't be using auto-tune weezy. You're a rapper not a singer. All I know is I'm tired of flipping through radio stations and hearing robot after robot. Terminators should terminate not sing.
NO!
YES!
Ryan:
I bow to this. May I add that had I known in the late 80's when I was learnin' my pimp walk, and getting my education through various Matel toys...I would have capitalized on this. Had my little noodle been developed enough into the GENIUS that is "T-Pain" who has made his fortune from sounding like a Speak-n-Spell...I would have rained down on the rap industry in my osh kosh by gosh over-alls and would probably still be a force to be reckoned with. Alas, I was to busy learning that dogs say "woof" and cats say "meow"..and how to properly spell them. If only, if only.
your partner in crime,
erin
Lord Weezy, Your time is now.
erin(1:17:07 PM): I think I might have to diss Lil' Wayne.
Nikki(1:17:48 PM): Sometimes he needs to be dissed, he's getting out of control.
erin(1:17:56 PM): Well, I think that is my topic today.
erin(1:18:03 PM): God forgive me for dissing the Wayne.
Nikki(1:18:17 PM): Hahaahahah
erin(1:18:22 PM): But he has to be taken down a few notches, his studded belt is on just a wee bit too tight.
Nikki(1:18:33 PM): Pretty much.
My dearest lyricist, what has become of you?
You guy's planned this I am assuming, it's no coincidence you match. I am going to hold on to the hope that it's because you can't wear blue...and that borrowed eyeliner from you're new found bff Mr. Wentz does not lurk under those shades.
No Homo?
Fucking glasses!? I shouldn't even finish this post, there is the problem right there. I swear the lenses in these things scramble your brain into drooling dipshit mode. What's next? Bald girls?
What has hypnotized one of the rappers in my "top 5"?
Have the skinny jeans created a Janet Reno grip on his manhood?
What happened to the vile lyrics about "menstruation" & offensively "spitting like a retard"?
We all remember when Garth Brooks pulled that whole "Chris Gaines" thing...in his attempt to try "Alternative Rock" and how well that played out for him, luckily, like Mr. Carter, He has a nice couple million dollar cushion to fall back on.
Or how about Jessica Simpson's stunning Country music career?
Better yet, Mariah Carey's' "Glitter", the only thing that was bright about that movie was the glow of the flames as it crashed, burned and spiraled back down into hell where it belonged. Forever to torture the likes of Hilter/Gacy/Dahmer...to which, though one of them could stomach human or the smell of rotting flesh, I don't believe anyone could stomach that movie.
(side note: Satan, if you ever go on vacation, I assure you I could fill in, I have some ideas)
Ok, Ok, Examples made..so..
Mr. Carter, After writing what you claim is your best album, and even putting your baby picture as the CD artwork, as most great rappers have done on their prized albums...WHY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WOULD YOU FOLLOW WITH THIS?!
Now I know, every white girl within an ear shot is probably counting her blessings.
HE IS SCENE, REJOICE!
NO.
This is kind of like when Beyonce came out with that song about what she'd do if she was a dude...
(your thighs give to a slight advantage if you do ever want to pursue that dream, B.)
Does anyone remember Ciaras' "Like a boy" you know, the song about, ohhh... ACTING LIKE A BOY..Now, I'm sure it's just some mix up that B basically wrote a acoustic version of this, I bet Queen B has never even heard of the likes of Ciara...right?
Kind of like how Wayne has probably never heard of Avril Lavigne...
oh how we'd all like to not have ever actually heard of her, but, in early 2002, we did, it happened...we can try to forget..but we all know the lyrics to "sk8er boi" even though we would rather drill used needles in our ears then ever hear it again.
Even on his then thrown of codeine and weed, and insane prison tat's, Wayne apparently couldn't escape that song either..in fact...he revised it years later..
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE PRESENT!!!
(forgive me for this, reading it may get it stuck in your head.)
"And all of her friends
Stuck up their nose.
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes.
He was a sk8er boi she said see ya later boi.
He wasn't good enough for her."
"Sorry girl but you missed out. Well tough luck that boi's mine now."
Now, I give you, "Prom Queen"..
"But see, she had other plans I couldn't understand
Her and her stupid friends, varsity's biggest fans
Never'll forget the day she laughed and walked away
And I couldn't stop her, I guess she had it all
She had it all figured out
But she left me with a broken heart
Fucked around and turned me down
'Cause she didn't think I could play the part."
"But now the prom queen, the prom queen
Is crying, sitting outside of my door
See, you never know how
How everything could turn around"
Interesting isn't it?
Stick to sampling beats, not lyrics.
And stick to your own genre.
Take off the scarf, AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING INTELLIGENT, TAKE OFF THE NON PRESCRIPTION GLASSES..
and if you would just go by the words of another Carter,
"Can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit."
You'd save me a lot of frustration.
Nikki(1:17:48 PM): Sometimes he needs to be dissed, he's getting out of control.
erin(1:17:56 PM): Well, I think that is my topic today.
erin(1:18:03 PM): God forgive me for dissing the Wayne.
Nikki(1:18:17 PM): Hahaahahah
erin(1:18:22 PM): But he has to be taken down a few notches, his studded belt is on just a wee bit too tight.
Nikki(1:18:33 PM): Pretty much.
My dearest lyricist, what has become of you?
You guy's planned this I am assuming, it's no coincidence you match. I am going to hold on to the hope that it's because you can't wear blue...and that borrowed eyeliner from you're new found bff Mr. Wentz does not lurk under those shades.
No Homo?
Fucking glasses!? I shouldn't even finish this post, there is the problem right there. I swear the lenses in these things scramble your brain into drooling dipshit mode. What's next? Bald girls?
What has hypnotized one of the rappers in my "top 5"?
Have the skinny jeans created a Janet Reno grip on his manhood?
What happened to the vile lyrics about "menstruation" & offensively "spitting like a retard"?
We all remember when Garth Brooks pulled that whole "Chris Gaines" thing...in his attempt to try "Alternative Rock" and how well that played out for him, luckily, like Mr. Carter, He has a nice couple million dollar cushion to fall back on.
Or how about Jessica Simpson's stunning Country music career?
Better yet, Mariah Carey's' "Glitter", the only thing that was bright about that movie was the glow of the flames as it crashed, burned and spiraled back down into hell where it belonged. Forever to torture the likes of Hilter/Gacy/Dahmer...to which, though one of them could stomach human or the smell of rotting flesh, I don't believe anyone could stomach that movie.
(side note: Satan, if you ever go on vacation, I assure you I could fill in, I have some ideas)
Ok, Ok, Examples made..so..
Mr. Carter, After writing what you claim is your best album, and even putting your baby picture as the CD artwork, as most great rappers have done on their prized albums...WHY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WOULD YOU FOLLOW WITH THIS?!
Now I know, every white girl within an ear shot is probably counting her blessings.
HE IS SCENE, REJOICE!
NO.
This is kind of like when Beyonce came out with that song about what she'd do if she was a dude...
(your thighs give to a slight advantage if you do ever want to pursue that dream, B.)
Does anyone remember Ciaras' "Like a boy" you know, the song about, ohhh... ACTING LIKE A BOY..Now, I'm sure it's just some mix up that B basically wrote a acoustic version of this, I bet Queen B has never even heard of the likes of Ciara...right?
Kind of like how Wayne has probably never heard of Avril Lavigne...
oh how we'd all like to not have ever actually heard of her, but, in early 2002, we did, it happened...we can try to forget..but we all know the lyrics to "sk8er boi" even though we would rather drill used needles in our ears then ever hear it again.
Even on his then thrown of codeine and weed, and insane prison tat's, Wayne apparently couldn't escape that song either..in fact...he revised it years later..
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE PRESENT!!!
(forgive me for this, reading it may get it stuck in your head.)
"And all of her friends
Stuck up their nose.
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes.
He was a sk8er boi she said see ya later boi.
He wasn't good enough for her."
"Sorry girl but you missed out. Well tough luck that boi's mine now."
Now, I give you, "Prom Queen"..
"But see, she had other plans I couldn't understand
Her and her stupid friends, varsity's biggest fans
Never'll forget the day she laughed and walked away
And I couldn't stop her, I guess she had it all
She had it all figured out
But she left me with a broken heart
Fucked around and turned me down
'Cause she didn't think I could play the part."
"But now the prom queen, the prom queen
Is crying, sitting outside of my door
See, you never know how
How everything could turn around"
Interesting isn't it?
Stick to sampling beats, not lyrics.
And stick to your own genre.
Take off the scarf, AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING INTELLIGENT, TAKE OFF THE NON PRESCRIPTION GLASSES..
and if you would just go by the words of another Carter,
"Can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit."
You'd save me a lot of frustration.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
"Oooh eee ohhh I look just like Buddy Holly"
Rivers Cuomo pulled it off, you however look like a giant bag of assholes.
Exhibit A: Toolshed who will probably go home with a girl that looks like a little leaguer in a dress. Partly because well, coke will do that to girls, and two, it might actually be a little leaguer because sir, YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT PEDOPHILE.
In hoodie "exhibit a" is wearing you will find, candy possibly roofies & the newest issue of J-14....all potential "fish hooks" for the date he seeks.
What really puts my panties in a wad about this particular thing is, more than likely, those are not prescripts. I am not hating on the awful choice of glasses itself.... most men in the military that are cursed with wearing these do to their poor vision loath it, but for some reason it is acceptable in "indie" culture to adorn these willingly. But it is also acceptable to look like a lost hobo, male or female...so someones brain skipped out for an eternity on them. Beyond the sea of flannel, poor goodwill finds mistaken for vintage, tattered hosiery..you will find these, "buddy holly" glasses...and sometimes..(gasp!) with no lenses in them atoll!
Now correct me if I am wrong...
IS THIS NOT LIKE WEARING BRACES BY CHOICE?!
You have flawless eye sight, but are CHOOSING to look as if you don't?
Someone clue me in here.
Wait, are you just that tragic and unfortunate looking that hiding behind such large face blockers might land you a date to that sweet "80's" house party?
Just lie, say your vegan, you voted obama & you own an extensive vinyl collection and/or a fixed gear.
Guys, the same, only compliment the 4 day old braid in her hair, and her "natural" beauty, also, keep forcing the PBR, a good man gets the girl he's about to take advantage of loaded prior, and for free.
"Aunt Mildred, is that you?!"
Also, another conclusion I have come to,
perhaps these are a "slut shield" or like a cloaking device for sluts. Now, I don't know the girl pictured below, but I do know that if she wasn't "holier than thou" those glasses would sure make it look like she hasn't been laid since Woody Allen was into chicks his own age...So my theory, sluts can use these glasses as sort of a "venus fly trap" for unsuspecting dudes looking for a good time with a not so "passed" around girl. I certainly wouldn't suspect the grand canyon to be lying between this broads legs, would you?
At least the reason you're able to wear your gf's jeans will look 3x's larger with the aid of those puppies. Or not, wait, BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PRESCRIBED!
Exceptions: Jay-Z one, because its "HOVA" two, well, he thinks it downplays the size of his nose...(it doesn't)
UNACCEPTABLE:
Jaleel White, also known as Urkel, Also stopped looking like a jackass when he morphed and got rid of said glasses. This is the filter that goes through my head everytime you wear oversized, hideous glasses.
In the off chance that you ARE just too sad to repair, I hope they eat your face and brain included, if it can be found.
point being, don't wish for handicaps. You might think you're making poor eyesight trendy and acceptable for those who suffer, but infact, you're just pissing them off.
-This post is dedicated to Diandra.
Exhibit A: Toolshed who will probably go home with a girl that looks like a little leaguer in a dress. Partly because well, coke will do that to girls, and two, it might actually be a little leaguer because sir, YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT PEDOPHILE.
In hoodie "exhibit a" is wearing you will find, candy possibly roofies & the newest issue of J-14....all potential "fish hooks" for the date he seeks.
What really puts my panties in a wad about this particular thing is, more than likely, those are not prescripts. I am not hating on the awful choice of glasses itself.... most men in the military that are cursed with wearing these do to their poor vision loath it, but for some reason it is acceptable in "indie" culture to adorn these willingly. But it is also acceptable to look like a lost hobo, male or female...so someones brain skipped out for an eternity on them. Beyond the sea of flannel, poor goodwill finds mistaken for vintage, tattered hosiery..you will find these, "buddy holly" glasses...and sometimes..(gasp!) with no lenses in them atoll!
Now correct me if I am wrong...
IS THIS NOT LIKE WEARING BRACES BY CHOICE?!
You have flawless eye sight, but are CHOOSING to look as if you don't?
Someone clue me in here.
Wait, are you just that tragic and unfortunate looking that hiding behind such large face blockers might land you a date to that sweet "80's" house party?
Just lie, say your vegan, you voted obama & you own an extensive vinyl collection and/or a fixed gear.
Guys, the same, only compliment the 4 day old braid in her hair, and her "natural" beauty, also, keep forcing the PBR, a good man gets the girl he's about to take advantage of loaded prior, and for free.
"Aunt Mildred, is that you?!"
Also, another conclusion I have come to,
perhaps these are a "slut shield" or like a cloaking device for sluts. Now, I don't know the girl pictured below, but I do know that if she wasn't "holier than thou" those glasses would sure make it look like she hasn't been laid since Woody Allen was into chicks his own age...So my theory, sluts can use these glasses as sort of a "venus fly trap" for unsuspecting dudes looking for a good time with a not so "passed" around girl. I certainly wouldn't suspect the grand canyon to be lying between this broads legs, would you?
At least the reason you're able to wear your gf's jeans will look 3x's larger with the aid of those puppies. Or not, wait, BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PRESCRIBED!
Exceptions: Jay-Z one, because its "HOVA" two, well, he thinks it downplays the size of his nose...(it doesn't)
UNACCEPTABLE:
Jaleel White, also known as Urkel, Also stopped looking like a jackass when he morphed and got rid of said glasses. This is the filter that goes through my head everytime you wear oversized, hideous glasses.
In the off chance that you ARE just too sad to repair, I hope they eat your face and brain included, if it can be found.
point being, don't wish for handicaps. You might think you're making poor eyesight trendy and acceptable for those who suffer, but infact, you're just pissing them off.
-This post is dedicated to Diandra.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Straight Edge Tattoos before you're of legal age to commit debauchery.
Good "common sense" ideas: inhaling & exhaling, not wetting the bed, driving on the right side of the road, not sticking your hand on a hot stove, not wearing a belt made of beef in the hood, any of the "Batman" movies, NOT the movie "Daredevil".
Bad ideas: Sticking your dick in a blender, banging a girl you've only seen in the dark & about 12 beers deep, licking a stripper pole, most Rob Schneider movies, scratch that...ALL Rob Schneider movies, bicycling on patches of ice, thong bikinis, wait..thong bikinis on Oprah...AND...
STRAIGHT EDGE TATTOOS BEFORE THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSUMPTION!
Now let me tell you why these are just god-awful ideas..
THE SHIT YOU PUT ON YOUR BODY DOES NOT VANISH WHEN YOU TURN 21!!!
You might as well tattoo "MY WILL-POWER IS AN EPIC FAIL" on your chest.
sure, people change their minds, satanist's become christians (not that theres much of a difference) racists become accepting after watching an episode of Dr. Phil...but the difference is, these people usually don't get PERMANENT TATTOOS OF THEIR PREVIOUS "WAYS". Sure, I could tattoo "Caucasian" on myself, why? BECAUSE I'M NEVER NOT GOING TO BE WHITE, but I don't.
Point being, I personally, respect straight-edge and those who choose to be just that. I do not, however, respect those who get into it merely for some "label" or because it makes you seem ultra-tough and way hxc to every other 16 yr old mosh machine in basketball shorts & sauconys. You don't pull rank by claiming edge, no one gives a shit about the gallon of water your doing your bicep curls with in between breakdowns, and no one ever will. & here is the kicker of common sense, if you can't LEGALLY consume alcohol or any other substances technically by law you do have to be "straight edge" so you're really not making a choice, the government did that for you. Basically, you're choosing to be the idiot mean mugging everyone on the wall at the party...and soon, you'll be the idiot face down in a pool of his own vomit because of the lack of practice when you decide to break, because if you're not doing it for yourself, YOU WILL.
-Erin
Bad ideas: Sticking your dick in a blender, banging a girl you've only seen in the dark & about 12 beers deep, licking a stripper pole, most Rob Schneider movies, scratch that...ALL Rob Schneider movies, bicycling on patches of ice, thong bikinis, wait..thong bikinis on Oprah...AND...
STRAIGHT EDGE TATTOOS BEFORE THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSUMPTION!
Now let me tell you why these are just god-awful ideas..
THE SHIT YOU PUT ON YOUR BODY DOES NOT VANISH WHEN YOU TURN 21!!!
You might as well tattoo "MY WILL-POWER IS AN EPIC FAIL" on your chest.
sure, people change their minds, satanist's become christians (not that theres much of a difference) racists become accepting after watching an episode of Dr. Phil...but the difference is, these people usually don't get PERMANENT TATTOOS OF THEIR PREVIOUS "WAYS". Sure, I could tattoo "Caucasian" on myself, why? BECAUSE I'M NEVER NOT GOING TO BE WHITE, but I don't.
Point being, I personally, respect straight-edge and those who choose to be just that. I do not, however, respect those who get into it merely for some "label" or because it makes you seem ultra-tough and way hxc to every other 16 yr old mosh machine in basketball shorts & sauconys. You don't pull rank by claiming edge, no one gives a shit about the gallon of water your doing your bicep curls with in between breakdowns, and no one ever will. & here is the kicker of common sense, if you can't LEGALLY consume alcohol or any other substances technically by law you do have to be "straight edge" so you're really not making a choice, the government did that for you. Basically, you're choosing to be the idiot mean mugging everyone on the wall at the party...and soon, you'll be the idiot face down in a pool of his own vomit because of the lack of practice when you decide to break, because if you're not doing it for yourself, YOU WILL.
-Erin
thought I would share this LOL of the day
this is the captcha I had to "solve" to leave Marelle a comment. Coincidence?
& yes, I hope you're all reading that as "fuckable" only in a slight new york accent.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Topic of the hour: Dudes who look better in a dress than I do, infact, whole bands of them.
erin (7:58:37 PM) : liking 3OH!3
erin(7:59:39 PM) : i think hellen keller used brail?
erin(8:00:35 PM) : and sign language
erin (8:00:47 PM) : i dont believe blinddeaf people sign with their hips
erin (8:01:59 PM) : no, those girls just usually talk with their water bucket.
erin (8:09:03 PM) : I think you have to NOT have a dick in your mouth to be able to give a full audible response.
* bolded/colored names have been altered to well, well, because I might be in a semi-nice mood?
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